There can be no agreement absent a fair exchange of trust between both sides.


Trust is the most fundamental building block for every agreement and every relationship. Trust is the magnet that draws people together and it is the glue that holds things together. Once a dispute occurs, disappointment, anger and fear set in.  Trust between the parties is then often broken or lost. People stop talking to one another.  Patience has run out.  No one is willing to constructively find a way to confront and resolve the situation.  Everything grinds to a halt. Paralysis results.  The only way to cure the paralysis it is to figure out a way to restore trust.  Most people don’t figure out how they could ever trust one another again and instead just file suit.

Litigation builds walls between people and leaves no room for trust.

You can hire a lawyer to seek a judgment or determinations from a court exactly what are your legal rights and obligations; but, that still doesn’t resolve the dispute.  In the end, litigation doesn’t resolve disputes, only the people do.   Lawsuits provide little or no opportunities for the parties to communicate freely or re-establish any trust to work towards an agreement. Litigation builds walls between people.  Litigation alone is an “isolationist” strategy proven time and time again to fall short of resolving anything. More than 19 out of every 20 lawsuits filed throughout the United states are later dismissed before anything is decided.

You need a safe zone with confidential channels to communicate and rebuild trust.

Almost all disputes are eventually resolved out of court by negotiation and private agreement.  Its just a fact, sooner or later, you will end up in a settlement negotiation and when you do, you will realize that at least some reduced level of trust must again be re-introduced to fill in the gaps and uncertainty that no lawyer, judge or jury can guarantee or fill.   If you place this trust in a mediator during a confidential mediation conference, you won’t have to take a second leap of faith. You will be able to ask questions, communicate, analyze and make a much more informed decision without the fear or pressure or other influences which may have impeded your decision-making when you decided to enter into the failed agreement or relationship in the first place.

Trust in the mediation process.

No one wants to sue, be sued or remain in a lawsuit for any longer than is absolutely necessary to resolve the dispute.  The sooner you decide to trust in the mediation process, the sooner you can get the facts, not only about your case but also about the other party’s situation.  The sooner you trust in the mediation process, the sooner you’ll be able to understand all your settlement options.  The sooner you trust in the mediation process, the sooner you will be able take control of the situation and end it in the most favorable way possible.

When it comes to resolving disputes, its never a good idea to be too full of yourself.

full of yourself

A lot of lawsuits are filed and pursued much longer than they need to be simply because people are naive and overconfident. Confidence can be an intoxicating drug that people crave to make them feel better about their situation.   However, when it comes to trying to settle a difficult conflict or dispute out of court,  it’s never a good idea to be too full of yourself.

Why you don’t want to deal with this guy.

Exaggeration, arrogance and conceit usually find their way into most lawsuits but they are NOT welcome additions to any settlement negotiation.   Does anyone really want to try to negotiate with a guy who is unwilling to listen, unwilling to hear or consider anyone else’s views or interest other than their own?  If you are forced into a negotiation with this guy, do you think you would be more or less likely to have a meaning discussion or make compromises?   MUCH LESS LIKELY.

Why you don’t want to be this guy.

Don’t distract me with the facts.  I’m not listening and I am not interested in what you have to say.   These are all signs of a closed mind.  If that’s your style of trying to settle a dispute, then you are negotiating in the dark.  You won’t be able to see or take advantage of new information presented by the other parties that you might be able to use to your advantage.  You won’t recognize cues to indicate what, how much or how little to offer to move the other party closer to an agreement.   This all results in negotiation mistakes and lost settlement opportunities.  LIKELY RESULT:  You will accept too little or pay too much.